The Week magazine in the May issue carried my story and has written wonderfully with a link to my Blog.
Herewith attaching the link for my readers.
Unwarranted…
Feb 13
I was upset when I read about the story of Yuvraj. Upset on couple of counts: 1) The unnecessary media hype. I am sure any patient leave alone a cancer patient does not like his medical history to be the point of discussion or to be used for commercial gains. 2) How many cancer patients are there and how many have battled the odds, why this nonsense. In fact he himself had requested for privacy but our media who are useless especially the so called leading newspaper who will post anything for money has been hyping about this. Sad but then this is India.
I was surprised though that he had gone to US for treatment. Why go to the US, this is sending a wrong message, first it was the Congress party leader and now Yuvraj. How will people have faith in the system its practitioners and also in its efficiency.
I still remember the day when I was diagnosed and an option of going to the US was given and discussed. I firmly put my foot down and said there is nothing which is not available in India, there is no dearth of qualification and efficiency of drug. If we as citizens do not have faith we cannot expect the world to believe us.Understood privacy could be a concern but then the Bachans have maintained it nicely and still do and I like them for it. Mr. Rajinikanth went to Singapore only in the end, the reasons or details is beyond this blog.
I hope that Yuvraj is left alone and his privacy is respected. If someone wants to come out let him/her do so voluntarily. I decided to blog my experience and also my woes because I wanted people to learn a lesson or two from my experience but I would never would have appreciated if I was dissected in public without my will. At the end of the day irrespective of whether one stays in India, whether one respects its professionals is his/her own choice. It was very upsetting and hence I thought of blogging this and thereby deviating from my story…
It was a week of expectation a week of hope and a week of longing. I did all investigations and hope was given that my colostomy is reversible. Made all arrangements for D-day. Was admitted the previous day and colon preparation was done, it just brought back nostalgia of the pain and suffering I underwent before my colostomy and before my Cancer surgery. Oh, I just could not forget it and just hope I need not have to go through the same pain and torture.
Anyways was admitted the previous night and preparations were made to keep me calm. I was given a sedative and was still drowsy the next day. I was wheeled in at 6AM and my friend Dr. Suresh Pandurangan came in early for support. The Chief of Anaesthesia was my anaesthetist. The last thing I remember was the prick in my hand and then remember waking up in the recovery, the first thing I asked was IS MY COLOSTOMY REVERSED? I kept asking this question at least half a dozen time and received the same reply-NO IT CANNOT BE REVERSED.
I did not react as I was still groggy and with my spinal still in place had other things to worry about. Was eventually shifted to the room and the stay was pretty short. However my new colostomy started giving problems and motion started coming out of the pouch every other day!!!. Added to that was the suturing in the mid-line over the previous entrance and also the staples over the old colostomy site. It was painful and I could not be mobilized for quiet a while and my bag was to be changed every other day.
Took off from work for a month and slowly forced myself to move about in spite of the pain and decided to report to work within two weeks much against the wishes of my family. I limited it to just an hour everyday and only to patients who wanted to see me only. Also started doing minor surgeries. As fate would have it my old colostomy wound gave away and there was a huge wound gaping!!!! I had to clean and dress it everyday for the next two weeks and the motion would also come through the new one and soil the wound. It was very frustrating and depressing and demoralizing. But then me being me made sure that I fight back and told myself that it is all for good.
I was getting all support from family and friends except from a Very Esteemed and Learned Colleague who once again started the same old politics/dirty game which only that person is capable of. Rumors were spread that I am not being allowed into the OT because I am Unsterile in view of my Colostomy and that I cannot perform a procedure all through my life for the same reason!!! It was hurting when people told me that this was what they heard that person talking. Though upset on one hand I was happy on the other that people are once again frightened and unsettled with me coming back to my routine. However my patients stood by me once again and I became extremely busy within a few days and was in OPD and OT every other day. It was also at this time I received the Award of Best ENT Specialist and was also portrayed by DNA as an Emerging Influential. Since rumors were again spread that I paid huge amount of money to receive the Best ENT Specialist award, I made sure the jury who selected me for DNA profiling were clearly mentioned and if any one had any doubts they can get in touch with the jury. At an era when scavengers are being abolished it is sad that still some elements exist who can stoop to the lowest levels possible…
Anyways my staples were removed and my old colostomy wound was healing though with a very bad scar. I discussed with my surgeon about the new wound and its problems and was asked to wait for few months and a decision about intervention can be made. At the time of writing this blog my bag was lasting for 7-10 days and was informed that this is normal and my previous temporary colostomy routine of 3 weeks was abnormal!!!!
Hopefully the duration increases and my quality of life improves. In my next blog it will be the return of parastomal hernia…
Sudden developments…
Nov 24
I was enjoying my vacation with my family celebrating my Second Anniversary of Cancer Diagnosis and Treatment!
I wanted my family to relax and forget the trauma we have been through but then it was not to be. It started the day we reached Mudumalai forest. I was having slight discomfort at my Colostomy site and did not bother about it, but the next I was in severe pain and woke up very early, also was shocked to find my colostomy bag empty and that my Colon was drawn deep inside. I panicked and did everything in my mind including putting my finger into the colon opening and trying to feel for the colon lumen!! When nothing worked I had no other choice except to wake up my wife which I did not want to since the vacation and the fun can get spoiled. I was extremely depressed for we came here to enjoy but then it seems we cannot…
Added to this a swelling started appearing near the side of my colostomy and then it started becoming hard. I freaked out as these were symptoms of impending intestinal obstruction which is an emergency and here I am in the middle of nowhere! I made frantic phone calls and then did what I do, sat down and meditated and relaxed. I then decided to carry on with my vacation come what may and went on the elephant ride, once the ride into the forest was completed I found my pain to have subsided and the herniation of the loop of colon into the bag.
I decided to continue with the vacation and we went ahead with the Elephant ride and the ride into the forest. After that we left for Ooty where my college senior had made arrangements for our stay. It was also fun and pleasure to catch up with him after about a decade and the place he took us for dinner was fabulous and is something I will continue to cherish for a long time. However we had to cut short our vacation as the hernia was giving problems and I did not want to get caught in the wrong place at the wrong time.
There was also some tense moments on our way down. I believe our driver rode the car in high speed and the brakes failed to work!!!. It was really very tense, but finally all was well.
The real tension started then. I underwent complete assessment and was given the hope that the Colostomy can be reversed and there is a very high chance of the same. CT scan and earlier colonoscopy all gave me a ray of hope. Will post the surgery and post surgery details in my next blog.
All in all it was very tensed vacation, something I did not want… Hope my miseries end…
Of late the buzz in the ENT community is about Cochlear Implants – its misuse by few surgeons (implanting those who may not benefit thereby wasting Govt and Philanthropists money for their benefit) and also about the formation of a closed group by select ENT surgeons belonging to an association. It seems that this closed group of few “Elite Surgeons” which includes some well known names are limiting others from doing these procedures. The reason: “BENEFITS” or KICKBACKS – what else. More info posted in My Musings.
This controversy reminds me of my childhood and most notably an incident which still rings in the back of my head. As stated earlier in this blog my father known for his honesty, integrity was offered lots of “Benefits” for him to “Adjust” for allowing someone to copy in the University exams or passing undeserving candidates. When his mentor became the Principal he started foreseeing the admissions and gave admissions only to deserving or to the poor. I had seen people approaching with briefcases and also calls from Ministers assuring that he will be “Well looked after” if they would accommodate an undeserving candidate- but the answer was always no.
If this was not enough he was also known to the late CM Mr. M.G. Ramachandran to the extent that Mr. Thirunavakarassu came home to meet my father and find out the reason why Dr. MGR was talking high about him. If only it was someone they would have been a millionaire but for my father these were against his principles. Not only this he is known to many MPs, Ministers (Central and State), IAS, IPS officers and to a host of VVIPS, but he never bothered to use them. All this at a time when we were struggling to make ends meet, a time when Rs.3 was a luxury, a time when the only gift I used to give was a pair of handkerchief since it costs just Rs.5, a time when I could not participate in any of the cultural events or tours because it was not affordable, a time when my brothers old dress was my new one, a time when for festivals I used to visit my Uncles place to enjoy the basics which to us were luxuries (cake, biscuits, fruits, sweets), a time when monthly debt was the dictum be it a fancy store, bread shop, pharmacy or doctor…yes I still remember those days wherein every month I would accompany him and part of the debt will be settled.
He was one of the brains behind drafting the successful election manifesto of the current CM when she stood for elections the first time! I know how many have benefited just using her name and here my father was not bothered to utilize his close proximity!!
For him the only assets which he cherishes even now are his children, one of the reasons why he became my role model and because of which I blindly followed his way of life and till date try to be as much ethical and patient oriented as possible till now…
One day I was extremely frustrated at our financial position more so when my father was not making use of his contacts for climbing the ladder of prosperity and position. This was further compounded by the fact that people less educated, intelligent and resourceful than him were climbing the ladder and here I was not even able to afford a cake or go on a picnic of my choice.
I still remember that day, he was lying down and me with all my frustration asked him – Why don’t you also get money, use the contacts and come up in life so that we can live comfortably and people will visit our home and start respecting us. My father got up stared at me for a very long time and said – I hailed from a remote village which does not even have a proper toilet or bathroom, where to get water one has to travel 15Kms everyday, where only Tamil was the medium of education, where things taken for granted and assumed to be basic comforts in the city are very very huge luxuries. In spite of these odds I have come this far, I have made so many contacts, this is my life, my duty is to provide you with clothing, food and very good education, which I am doing. Please don’t hurt me by saying these, see if you can come up in life and make a name much more than mine, see if you can make the world say this is Kumaresh”s father and not vice versa, see if you can make me proud, it is easier to be corrupt but very difficult to be clean – see if you can come up being ethical, non corrupt and clean.
It was those words which made me to resolve that I will come up in life the way my father wanted me to. I have achieved all these and much more. Not sure whether it was his blessings or because of the prayers and blessing of those whom he had helped which has made me reach this level. Not sure whether this was the reason which made me to get an observer post and impress my referee Dr. Jackler or which got me fellowships or this position or for that matter for me to fight against my disease and survive.
If only I had a father who was different I too may have been flexible and received lots of benefits like some Elite CI surgeons, but on the other hand I would not have been able to establish one of the most enviable practice in spite of all limitations, would not have received International acclaim, I may not have made money but I have won the hearts and blessings of many most importantly my patients…
Heath Update
Jun 2
The last blog about my health was a long time back and I thought of updating the same.
My cancer seems to be in control after all the surgeries and Chemo-RT. My blood CEA level which I had been postponing for almost 6 months came out to be normal. I did not want to do the test as I was extremely anxious and apprehensive but thankfully it was a huge sigh of relief.
I have also started becoming more active and have started traveling and chairing sessions. The only drawback as of now seems to be my colostomy which is still causing problems with regard to the frequency and protrusion of my colon and impeding my physical exercises.
I have been asked to wait for another 6 months before I could think of reversing as two years is the crucial cut off point. The next anxiety waiting to happen is my PET-CT and I am hoping and praying that it too turns out to be normal. Having suffered enough and more and now getting back to my routine and having changed my thoughts I hope I need not have to undergo the trauma again…
From: R xxxxxxxxxx
Sent: Thursday, April 21, 2011 9:12 PM
Subject: xxxxxxxxxxxx(Student)
|
Touched and broken down…
Apr 20
Words just cannot express my feelings post the publication of my story in Dinamalar (Part I, Part II). When I was contacted by the editor I immediately agreed for my story to be published as I was aware that it has a far more reach than the e-media.
However the responses and queries I recieved made me to cry. Initially it was friends and close circles who were astonished that I had the disease and when they started crying asking why such a thing should happen to a good soul like me I was emotionally upset and happy that I have been living a life worthy of mentioning and more so that I was able to fight my disease without people being aware of the same.
As said earlier from being in a depressed and dejected mood and blaming my Creator and Holy Men I have come to accept reality and think there has been meaning in everything that has happened in my life so far including My Cancer.
The mails which made me break down were from the relatives/family members of patients who wanted my time to counsel them and give them strength and hoping that I will be able to infuse strength both in them and in the minds of people fighting the disease. One mail which touched my heart the most was:
Dear Dr.Kumaresh Krishna moorthi ,
Hello sir ,
I am Vxxxxxx from Tirupur ,On studying your Episode in Newspaper , I am really proud of you sir. If your Episode come b4 20 days , It may save our cousin brothers life .
Yes sir , My cousin brother , age 40 yrs. Name : Murthy , We two were very close friends . On 23rd march 2010 , we heard the shock News ,that he was affected by Prostate Cancer .We decide to take treatment in vellore CMC , Biapsy After biapsy finalised for surgery ,docotors team informed b4 surgery itself For urine and motion bags to be used .
Surgery done on 26th April 2010 luckly by gods grace ,only urine bag , no need of motion bag. we all satisfyed.After hemo & radio therpy . Doctor said ,Treatment over nothing to worry he life is grantee for 30 yrs.
But his mind not set for the urine bag, We gave lot of councelling ,but no use. On march 6 th 2011,he attened susaid .
My opinion : If he had Studied your Episode ,diffently he might met you .
I am along with him in hospital , So i know how much he was distrubted by the urine bag . really your Episode touch our heart.
Regards
I took a sudden decision to undergo Colonoscopy for assessment of my colostomy reversal. I was very apprehensive after my previous experience. In fact I canceled all appointments and even decided on canceling my surgeries.
It was initially fixed for Saturday but then I decided to have it earlier. I spent time with the GE physician and explained to him all that happened the previous time and how things were messed up and how my fistula was reactivated. On the D-day I went to the hospital and met the physician (Dr. Veerendra). Preparations were made for me to be sedated and I was still very apprehensive and once again requested him not to make matters worse. sedation was given but I was still awake!!! After some time I woke up in the recovery room. The first thing I did was palpate my stomach for evidence of peritonitis and evidence of colovesical fistula. Palpate as I may I did not find any evidence of pain as so was thankful that there was no perforation. Once I was fully out of sedation I discussed with my GE physician and saw how small the stricture was, just the size of a wire and it was dilated upto 15mm. All this was done without any imaging. Was happy that I made the right decision in getting it done. At this point in time I would like to stress that I am extremely happy with my surgeon but not with the physician. My opinion stands more so after the procedure done now.
Coming back though I am happy that things went on well I am extremely disappointed that the colon could not be dilated further and that I need a surgery to remove it and another surgery for anastomosis and for reversal of colostomy. Though how much ever I would like to get rid of my colostomy, the fact that I need to have two surgeries, that too with all the fibrosis post surgery and radiation. I am not sure whether I will get away with the surgeries without burning fingers, without activating the fistula and whether this exercise is worthwhile. The next option being getting my colostomy stump reworked so that I do not have a feet of my colon inside my pouch!!! This is what is making me to get my colostomy reversed. If it can be refashioned I am more than happy to live with this…
In Coimbatore as stated earlier I realised the spiritual reason for having Cancer. Since I did not want my disease to hold me back and since I wanted to give back to my patients I have started travelling a lot and exploring new avenues and working on the concept “I am at a place near you”
During my recent trip to Hassan I was surprised at a term “Community Oncology” I was introduced to a Ass. Prof @ Hassan Medical college and was taken aback by his work and his passion. He is the only one in India with this qualification and is working closely with WHO and NCCP to explain to the public about how Cancer can be prevented.
When I was about to take leave I told him that I am a cancer survivor and that I am also taking steps and blogging about my experience and trying to dispel the myth that Cancer Kills.
It was now his turn to get surprised for he never realised or seen a cancer survivor being so aggressive and acting normal in spite of the shortcomings. It was then he started explaining how I can devote myself and how he can utilise my services as a living example to educate people.
He even went on to add that probably I had a divine birth to educate the people and eradicate the myths and fear and to be a inspiration. I have always thought that I had the big C inspite of being pious for a good reason and now I have the answers.
I am now getting in touch with the NCCP, WHO and pharma companies and exploring ways how I can be utilised. Agreed that rural is the area where my efforts need to be concentrated but I have pang of guilt-OK so I diagnose someone with Cancer – then what?? If they have schemes yes I can bring them to Apollo if not????
Trying to get in touch with people and small centres and exploring ways and means so that Cancer can be brought under control. Hope one of the corporates takes up the message that Cancer is Curable…
Hi, I am Dr.Kumaresh, an ENT surgeon with special interest in Head and Neck and Neurotology. I have received my higher training in Head and Neck and Neurotology from top Universities in USA.
The purpose of this blog is to make people be thankful for their life and health and also to draw inspiration.
Life is beautiful and worth living rather than be spent grumbling.
You can also follow me/connect with me on Facebook and Linkedin.
