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It was becoming increasingly difficult for me to mobilise with the two catheters. Also because of the suprapubic catheter I was having pain in my urethra more so when I walk. I even tried applying local anaesthetic jelly to my urethra but it was in vain. Finally I had a break when after 2 weeks of coming home my suprapubic catheter was removed. I still remember that day when I almost jumped with joy at the sight of it, for I need to manage only one from now on and there may not be much pain.

After faeces it was the turn of mucous to be secreted in my urinary catheter and I was hoping for a day when this too will be removed. I also had a scare soon when I started passing small amount of faeces in my normal area in spite of me having an end colostomy. All these were breaking my faith and self confidence and once again I cried and was thinking how long I can hold myself through this trauma.

I started moving out since now I can use a leg bag. I was extremely happy since now I can see the outside world after being indoors for almost 3 months! I still remember the day I visited Marina Beach and took a stroll on the sand. I also used to visit parks for my daily walk, both for fresh air and to see the outside world. My joy was short lived for my Foleys urinary catheter also started giving me pain, this was partly due to irritation of the bladder head since my bladder was partly removed.

Once again my mobility got restricted to my home. It was very depressing for I was enjoying the outside world and also the fresh air. My intake of outside food was also short-lived as they started giving me diarrhoea.

I then fixed an appointment with my Medical Oncologist. Blood tests were done and were found to be normal. Date was fixed for both Chemoport insertion and also for starting my Chemotherapy. Initially it was decided that Erbitux would be given for 6 doses in view of the cost. I was almost having a heart attack since my insurance has ran out and I need to pay from my pocket. I calculated how much I need to spend and it came to a whopping Rs.80,000/week (Xeloda Rs.175 per tablet, I need to take 6 per day, erbitus is 17,500 for 50 mg and I need 200 mg) not including the hospital charges, this will add to almost Rs.3 lakhs/month and I need to go in for 6 cycles. I was extremely upset as this means my savings would be completely gone and added to this I may have to take a loan either from my parents or from my in laws. I started crying again and was feeling very much depressed and upset at my financial position. I did not know how I will manage my family and kids since I will not be able to work for a few more weeks.

I took one cycle at Apollo and then in view of cost factor started taking chemo at VS hospitals in Chennai. The doctor was very kind to give me a private room and even waived off charges for the room. Also I started getting chemo reactions, my legs used to hurt and I was not able to take anything cold. I was also developing rashes in my body and face and it sometimes used to bleed. I started wearing socks, gloves etc., to help me tide over this. I also needed to apply moisturising cream that too in Chennai.

I took two cycles of chemo and the decided to return to Bangalore as things were going out of hand with regard to my children. My children’s grade were falling and their behaviour was changing for the worst.

The only silver lining during these traumatic days was the attitude of the management at Apollo.

My return to Bangalore…

Technorati Tags: blood test, end colostomy, erbitux, fistula, fresh air, leg bag, lidocaine, marina beach, medical oncology, rash, urethra, VS hospital, xeloda